How Steve Once Worked as a Hair Model

In real life, Steve is not known as being very handsome.  Growing up, he was known a “goat face” and “stop talking to me” and voted most-likely-to-be-kept-from-college-due-to-acne by his guidance counselor. But thanks to trick-photography and some latent genes, which he got –almost entirely by accident, he blossomed (briefly) in his 30’s if you squinted real hard and put ear plugs in.

Years after his disappearance from public life, he was forcibly cornered once, long enough for one stylist to discover something he was hiding under years of dust and neglect. The lost treasure of Darwin’s racket: perfect, Dutch/German locks.

His one redeeming feature.

The stylist knew Steve would work for soda crackers, or worst case dog kibble, so he offered him a spot on a booked hair photo shoot in a warehouse, in downtown LA.  No sex act required, even when he insisted.

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A mere 7 hours in the chair; Steve properly restrained and sedated

On set, Steve stuck out like a sore thumb.   Complete lack of personality and alarmed by the grace of real models, he fidgeted constantly and tried, at one point, to hide in the rafters behind a light fixture.  But he met the bare requirement to be there: he had hair.

Sure, it was overgrown with weeds at the time, and had one mole-rat living in the back, but after Steve was properly restrained and the hair attended to for the first time in it’s life, it emerged wild and free.  The mole-rat is now the CEO of Chrysler.

The hair was done up and Steve was drugged (to spare the everyone from his jokes).  There was a camera there (duh) and the moment was photographed to help raise money for other hair that, despite huge potential, is still attached to some no-good loser, somewhere.

Here is that picture.  Tell no one.

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Steve cleans up well, though sadly two to three people are usually trampled in the process

All evidence of this story was quickly locked in a crate, and stored in a warehouse three rows over from the Ark of the Covenant.

~ stevesmells ~


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